The poem first posted here three days ago has been re-written after it was pointed out to me that it could be split into two related poems.
So now I offer the new version, presented as a Tanka and an Haikū envoi.
Hoping you like the new offering.
Frosted Night [re-written] - 08 & 11 Dec 12
Moon ~ her beauty shines
Encrusted ~ a thousand stars
Frosted night Dragons
Sky diamonds shine brightly
Amid enchanted dreaming
Crystal shards ~ glitter
On fields of velvet darkness
Reflecting the glow
Thanks are due to dani harris for her suggestion ~ I always consider any suggestions carefully...especially if they are polite. [smiling as I type]
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i was only commenting, not suggesting, but considering how stunningly beautiful your new version is, i'm grateful you took it as a suggestion. {smile} loved the original! love this even more!
ReplyDeleteA comment such as yours I took as a suggestion because it made so much sense. The added line and a few words allowed a better flow to the poem[s].
DeleteThank you again dani ♥ for your comments and suggestions.